Dear Young Widow,
No matter what you do the pain is overwhelming. No matter how busy you try to stay there will be a pause, and you will break. No matter how hard you try you cannot change what has happened. No matter how long they have been gone it will feel like yesterday, yet at the sometime it will feel like forever since you last saw them. No matter how composed you try to stay the rush of emotions will overwhelm you.
The worst part of it all is you cannot talk to just anyone, because they do not understand the kind of loss you are experiencing. There really are no right words for anything that you are going through. So be patient with those that say the wrong thing. So many people are going to ask how you are doing, and honestly that is the worst thing anyone can ask! Seriously how do they think you are doing?
You are crushed, lost, lonely, and overcome with so many emotions. You are trying to sort through the emotions to decide which one you are, but the truth is you are all of them. You are a wreck of emotions and you will feel like you are alone in so many ways. You have found yourself in a limbo, and you are struggling as you watch everyone around you go on with their lives. Your life has come to a screeching halt and if you have children then theirs has too.
No one can even begin to fathom the heart break, that the loss of a spouse brings unless they have been in your shoes. You had your lives planned out, and everything was going so good! Now it has all stopped and you will have a fear that this is it. You will feel as though you will be alone and stuck in the grief.
Many people will say that you are so STRONG. It irritated me a lot at first, but then I realized that they really meant it and I we are strong; but to be honest you don’t have a choice. If I had a choice I wouldn’t be even a little bit strong. I would let my loss consume me and I would curl in a ball and cry forever.
I just want you to know that as horrible as it all is don’t let it consume your will to live. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I do because I have 4 little babies looking to me for guidance through this journey. If I fall into a depression and never do anything; then I will have to live with the fact that I will be taking them with me.
Find a will or a way to help you through your days. Even though it will feel empty and sad, there are a lot of others out there that are as lost as you. Find a group of other widows online, or in your community, to talk with and share with. You can help each other and you will be surprised the comfort that it will bring to know that your really aren’t alone.
It won’t take your pain away, but every baby step that your take; and everyday that you get up and face life; is progress. It may not feel like it, but it is and you should be proud.
Lots of Love,